Sunday, March 18, 2012

Feeling Down today, Snowing and another lesson!!!

Great job, Jill, Jay, Cheryl, and Mike for walking today!! I wish I would have someone to walk with. Although my friend, Stella, offered to walk when she is off. She is a nurse and works the night shift, so it is tough to find a day when we can get together. And now my neighbor Sunny, offered to walk with me. But today I was felling down and sad, so I walked alone IN THE SNOW!!! It was snowing so hard and it was wet, but I needed to be outside. I walked almost 7 miles and yesterday 8 miles. It felt good. Although yesterday my ankle hurt. I think it was all the climbing I did. Most of the walk Saturday was up hill and then of course down hill, but lots of ups!! I think I will have to start rotating my walks/walk-runs to hill climbs and then flat surfaces with small hills:))

I was feeling down and sad today. I have not heard from so many people I sent my email to and wondered if I was invisible!! So I was whining about that and then I got a response from someone and the response was from a "friend", BUT it hurt my feelings!! And it made me sad. Here is her response:
"Thank you for supporting breast cancer research; thank you for doing this walking; thank you for showing others how to reach out in fund raising.  Yes, this is a good letter!

That said, I will say that there are times when you'll still hear "no".  And I would be one of them at present." felt so yuk!! That is all I can say. So now I ask which is better this type of response or no response at all!! For some reason, this hurt my feelings. Maybe I am just too sensitive. I guess people say "no" all the time, but the explanation was so strange. Can you just say...good job Judy, but I have to say no at this time. I wish you the best success!! Or donate $ 5.00!! Anything, but this. I guess we all feel super sensitive at times and maybe on another day, this would be fine. But for me, it hurt!! So I was feeling down and decided to walk in the snow. Even though I liked Cheryls, paint my toenails, read, relax!! I tried all of these, but I still felt out of sorts, so the walk I did!!

And then this evening, one of my guy friends donated $ 100.00!!! Can you believe it? So sweet..He must have felt me!! So so generous...really generous. Thank you!! And then one of my neighbors told me she would donate. Her twin sister is a Breast Cancer Survivor. Gratitude for that!!

I still did my little "gratitude dance" for my friends generous donation. And it made me feel better. So maybe I should just do the gratitude dance every day and continue to celebrate all the generous donations I have received thus far. And I guess all my "feeling down" was useless and just a waste of time and a waste of the suffering I did. I know so much about myself in this arena , but still don't know how to be with it. I take SO MUCH PERSONALLY!! No matter how many times I hear Michael tell me not to take things so personally, I continue to do it. Will I ever learn this lesson?

I know something else too!! That if I focus on gratitude for all I have, all I have received, and everything that is in my life...including the time I have to be able to focus on this inspiring walk, than I have no problems and no room for feeling down...So why do I forget this in the moments when I receive the email that I received from my request to support me. Where does my gratitude go? hummm

Anyway tomorrow is another day to practice what I learned today!! Please oh please let me not forget!!

Good night..

And in deepest gratitude,

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